it's been a long while i know. i'm sure there are a buncha things to reflect on with regards to the events of 2007, but as of late i've been thinking a lot about the whole idea of belonging. as humans we're social beings... we're created to be... God wired us that way... and there's physiological proof of it with parts of our brain specifically created to recognize faces and such. i'm sure there's a bunch more, but i haven't really been pondering the scientific or physiological side of belonging... more the emotional, seeking side.
was thinking the other day how there are so many things about me that cause me to stick out like a sore thumb: being the youngest one amongst a group of people, being older than another group of people, not growing up with yet another set of people, not being cantonese or speaking cantonese, being filipino/chinese (fukien chinese, not canto/mandarin chinese), being the new person, and the list goes on. and these things in contrast to allowing me to feel like i belong cause me to feel quite the opposite, left out. now this blog entry isn't meant to garner sympathy, attention or whatever other negative connotations people can conjure up... it's acting more as an outlet for my thoughts.
i've come to discover as of late that i'm still searching... searching for a place to belong, to feel included, to feel as though i'm a part of something. and while i know that i'm a part of God's family in the grander scheme of things, sometimes it feels like i draw the short straw when it comes to friendships and social groups. there are more times than i can count that i've felt out of the loop, not included, left out, on my own, etc. a friend of mine back in highschool useta say that the reason for that is cuz i'm set apart... and often don't participate in things like going out all the time till late, or when i got older, clubbing till the wee hours of the morning or drinking until i can't even remember my name, and that's why i usually don't get called out to such events. and i remember that it useta bother the heck out of me that i felt like i didn't really have a circle of friends to hang out with regularly... no one to really call out if i felt like doing anything... i mean even Jesus had His twelve! :P anyhow, eventually i got used to the whole independence thing and managing on my own.
and recently i've realized that my environment has changed quite drastically since highschool. i got through university, now working full time, changed churches, now in a new small group for young adults, and again the list goes on. and yet i'm still searching for a place to belong. so perhaps... in this life, here on earth, we'll never really feel like we belong? perhaps it's not until we reach those golden gates that we'll feel included, part of something, accepted and welcomed despite the things that cause us to be and feel different, not left out of the loop, etc.?
anyhow, it's 11:45pm and sadly that means it's my bedtime. sometimes this working full-time thing is really the sux. :( well just some thoughts... will try to blog more... need me some outlets for all the thoughts running amok in my brain. :P